I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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