i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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