I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Randomize
