so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
