did you get engaged???
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
