he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
