brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
