I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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