I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
