I have demons in me.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
