I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
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Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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