And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
