I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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