did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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