2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
