I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
