we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
