Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Who died my cat blue again?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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