A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
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remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
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Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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