I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
