I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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