3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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