my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
