ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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