So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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