But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
