my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I need to sanitize my soul.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
