your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
