If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
