Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
