fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
