Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
