drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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