end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
