I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
