I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
