Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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