just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
