he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
