I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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