just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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