the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
