ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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