So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
