In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Mom said you looked used
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
