I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
