I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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