You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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