I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
