and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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