her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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