The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
