you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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