i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
