I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
