Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
