I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
