My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
