Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
