I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
