she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
