You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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