you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
