I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
