I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
