DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he thought i was a dude.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
