i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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