this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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