I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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