I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
