I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
