So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
