you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
