He kissed a someone with a penis
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
