If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
