Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
