I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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