Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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