I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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