Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Randomize
