I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
