I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Actions speak louder than pants.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
